When people would discuss having children of their own (future-tense) or during their pregnancy, I never understood why they would speak of what sex they prefer to have. As if we are shopping for a swimsuit deciding if we want to get blue or red, or shopping for a pet and deciding what breed or sex to get. Especially people that have a baseline of faith, philosophy or religion, knowing that God, Source, Divine or the Universe is sending you a soul, a specific soul to join your family, why would we want to have perceived ideas on what we want this soul (human) to be? I trust that exactly what we are given (a baby is a blessing) is the perfect medicine for our family.
When I took the journey of having my own children, I never said… “I hope to have a son, I hope to have a daughter”, I had complete trust in the journey that the soul that would be sent to me would be the perfect fit for our family and choose me as a mother and I choose them as a child. I have two sons and I am so grateful for them, but if they were daughters, I’d be grateful, If they were transgender, I’d be grateful, etc.
I engaged in a conversation with a dear friend discussing this topic and he said, “Well I wanted a son, and I got a son.” These feelings entered my heart of disappointment and anger. A feeling that I have felt many times in the past when people would engage in small-minded thinking and beliefs but I could never define the feeling or thought I was processing till now. I was offended! This was the first time I felt a limitation as being a female and discriminated against because of my gender. I hear way too often, “We are hoping for a boy”, “We are so grateful we have sons”, etc.
I believe it was China who used to kill female babies, and that adds severely to this belief that males are more valuable and worthy. I said to my friend, I am offended by your desire to have a son, because what are you saying about a daughter? That having a daughter wouldn’t be as fulfilling or bring you as much joy and contentment? When you choose something, that means you are also not “not choosing” something, and that can be offensive and discriminatory. If we continue this sense of normality that it is okay to desire or even choose the sex of your baby, what are we teaching the next generation? If we continue on this path we are subconsciously saying that males are better then females. We are also saying that “we know what is best for us” not God/Source/Divine/Universe.
What does it mean to prefer to have a boy? Are you saying…
- Boys are better?
- Boys are less dramatic?
- Boys make more money?
- Boys are easier?
- Boys play sports better?
- Boys are funner?
- Boys are stronger?
Or what about when people say “I want one of each”. What! You are not at the movie theater picking out candy! One of each? Why so your Ego can see what your genetics created in a male and female version or have the best of both worlds “so to say”. Or wait, I want a son first, to protect my daughter. UMMM no, it’s your job to protect your children whether you have a boy or girl. Does that mean that girls are not strong and can protect themselves or stand up to bullies? I believe that a male can do anything a female can and a female can do anything a male can do (just about). If your husband really likes work on cars and you have a girl, let her join in and teach her. If your wife really likes crafts, gardening and sewing… teach your little boy all those things. He will love it!
Per: The Gallup Poll and Gender Preference:
Gallup Poll and Gender Preference
The Gallup organization first quizzed Americans on whether they preferred a son or a daughter in 1941. The response has remained the same over 50 years: sons are preferred.
The question: “Suppose you could have only one child. Would you prefer it to be a boy or a girl?”
24% Girl, 38% Boy, 38% Either/No Opinion2003 Gallup Poll on Gender Preference
28% Girl, 38% Boy, 34% Either / No Opinion
Strong Son Preference Among Men
Data from the 2000 and 2003 poll show that women have a nearly equal preference for a boy or a girl, yet men chose a boy 2.5 times more often.
19% Girl, 48% Boy, 33% Either / No OpinionWomen’s Responses, Gallup Poll in 2000 and 2003
35% Girl, 30% Boy, 35% Either / No Opinion
It is clear that woman are pretty equal on this topic (having a boy or girl), but men are more strongly attached to having sons, thus we need to have these bold conversations when our men and boys. To educate them that small minded thinking like this makes girls feel less-than and unworthy. This is old world thinking and we are in a new world, thus our words and beliefs need to reflect that. When I spoke to my friend about the unspoken words that come along with saying “I prefer having a son”, he was completely unaware and surprised that his comment was hurtful and it took sometime but he finally understood my logic. It is okay as humans to have desires and hopes, but maybe it’s time to really reflect and process your desires and ask yourself are they healthy, selfish, honorable, evolving, etc?
Just because we have been discussing our preference of the sex of our babies, doesn’t make it right or an evolved way of thinking. Would you want your daughter to feel less-than? Would you want you daughter to feel discriminated against? Let’s actively share this wisdom and be aware of the words we speak and the choices we make.
Written by Dana Massat